How can I get better at coping with uncertainty?
How can I get better at coping with uncertainty?
The good news is that the skill of tolerating uncertainty is like a muscle. If we train and practice coping with uncertain situations, we can grow stronger and improve at doing so. Here are some tips for coping with uncertainty:
1. Practice mindfulnessWe can better cope with uncertainty if we can develop a willingness to experience the discomfort of it, without trying to change or eliminate it. Being mindful means intentionally bringing our awareness into the present moment, without judgement. We can focus on what we know is happening right now, without thinking about what might happen in the future. Mindfulness exercises help us learn to observe our present thoughts, feelings and environment as they are, without attempting to alter them.
2. Work through the stressful thoughts
When we are faced with uncertainty, we can experience automatic negative thoughts that pop into our minds unintentionally. If we can identify and challenge those thoughts, we will be better able to cope with them. Here are some common thoughts associated with uncertainty and ways to work through them:
- Shoulds/musts - Thinking that things should or must be a certain way sets us up to have expectations that can let us down. Try to catch thoughts framed in this way, and rephrase them as, “I’d like for things to be this way, but I may not have as much control over the outcome as I would like.”
- What-ifs - Sometimes we can overanalyze a situation by considering all the possible angles and outcomes - all the “what-ifs.” When we are stressed, “what if” thoughts can paralyze us and stop us from taking any action at all. Try answering your “what-ifs” to make them hold less power over you. For example, if you were to answer the question, “What if I get negative feedback from a teacher or supervisor?” you might say, “Well, I would feel upset, ashamed and I’d call my friend or loved one to talk it through. I’d probably do some self-soothing, and then try to improve my performance next time.”
Anxiety is caused by overestimating risk and underestimating one’s ability to cope with that risk. While you can help to manage thoughts that overestimate risk by trying some of the strategies above, you can also intentionally strengthen your coping toolbox and build resiliency. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from difficulties.
4. Do the opposite
We can practice tolerating uncertainty by doing the opposite of any behaviors we typically do to control the discomfort. For example, if you find yourself repeatedly seeking reassurance, try to sit with the discomfort and not ask reassuring questions. If you tend to check and double-check your newsfeeds, lists or emails, try to turn off notifications or limit yourself to just one check per day.
5. Focus on things you can control
Make a list of things that concern or worry you and divide them up into things you can control and things you cannot control. For example, we cannot control the global response to COVID-19, but we can practice good hand hygiene and appropriate physical distancing. We cannot personally stock store shelves with more paper towels, but we can consider alternative ways to conserve household resources.
6. Make progress on a skill or hobby
Making progress on a skill or hobby can help us cope with uncertainty when we create progress and forward movement in other areas of our lives. Try an activity or hobby in which you can see progress and improvement, such as:
- Start a garden,
- Learn to cook,
- Make some artwork,
- Exercise,
- Yoga and meditation,
- Learn a new language,
- Rearrange the furniture in your room,
- Learn to play an instrument, and
- Sing and/or dance.
We are journeying through this unknown together. I hope the above tips are helpful to you in your own journey.
Stay safe, healthy and connected
Amy
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