You’ve got your gratitude wall up at work, Facebook covered in motivational quotes, and your positive affirmations rehearsed on the daily. But you’re still miserable. Everyone else seems to be able to fix everything with a positive quote or by counting their blessings, does this mean there is simply something wrong with you if these things don’t make you happy? Of course not!

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, that jerk who cut you off on the highway is going to be under your skin for the whole day, that pit in your stomach is not going anywhere, and the world remains dull and colourless. And pushing yourself to have gratitude for the warm weather doesn’t give you the magical key to all around happiness. But there is a secret answer to make the miserable days a little more bearable, and that’s to accept that not every day is going to be sunshine and daisies. Some days are going to be dark. Sometimes you’ll be cranky and miserable. And it won’t matter that you don’t want to be cranky and miserable or that today was supposed to be the best day, because emotions don’t always get to be chosen.

There doesn’t even have to be a reason for this sadness, anger, or fear. It just is. But that’s ok. We are not always going to be happy, and that’s ok. Humans have a lot of complex emotions and they tend to come out in ways we don’t always expect, but the cool thing is that after a day or so of dark cloudy skies, when the sun does come out it shines all the brighter. If the colours have been missing for a little bit, when we see them again they are all the more beautiful. And when we’ve had to go without for a while, we appreciate so much more what we do have. We get to experience a kind of joy, gratitude, and positivity that no Pinterest board could have provided. Our lives are made so much richer by the highs and the lows.

Now, if you’ve been having more bad days than good days and it’s hard to even remember what it was like when life colourful, it might be time to reach out to someone who can help. Being able to talk to someone we trust, getting support when things are low, and learning some strategies for coping with tough times can also be just what we need to pick us up and bring back the colour. But there’s no shame in throwing ourselves a pity party every once in a while. So have yourself a good cry in the car, skip those plans so you can sulk at home instead, win those imaginary arguments in your mind that you wish you had thought to say that in the moment. As long as it’s occasional and not every day, a little misery can make happiness so much sweeter.