A Note From Amy
Receiving the Gifts of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion means being gentle, kind and understanding with yourself; accepting that you are not perfect; and understanding that there is potential for learning and growth in every mistake you make (Neff, 2003).
The Dalai Lama said “If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others”.
An easy way to understand self-compassion is to compare it to the instructions given by flight attendants in case of a depressurized airplane cabin: you’re supposed to put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else with theirs. In the same way, we need to look after ourselves before taking care of others.
5 Ways You Can Practice Self-Compassion
Here are five essential steps to increase your self-compassion
Step 1: Practice Forgiveness
Stop punishing yourself for your mistakes. Accept that you are not perfect and be gentle with yourself when you make a mistake. You are valued by your friends and colleagues because of who you are, not because you are faultless.
Step 2: Employ a Growth Mindset
Embrace rather than avoid challenges, persist in finding meaning in them, and don’t give up on yourself. When you find you are criticizing yourself and negatively comparing yourself with others, try to find inspiration in their successes and strengths instead of feeling threatened.
Step 3: Express Gratitude
Feeling gratitude is very powerful. Rather than wishing for what we do not have, there is strength in appreciating what we do have, right now. You can choose to write a gratitude journal or go for gratitude walks. By focusing on our blessings, we invite a gentler inner voice and move the focus away from our shortcomings and outward to the world, with all its beauty.
Step 4: Be Mindful
Mindfulness has been found to have a positive impact on self-compassion, as it tends to lessen self-judgment (Kabat-Zinn, 2014). Strive to always be in the moment and to be aware of what is happening right now, without judgment and labeling.
Allow what you think or feel to have its moment; don’t give it the microphone or hide it in the corner. Allow it to come, and then, without attachment, let it go.
A Take-Home Message
You are worthy of love. So, next time you do not rise to the expectations you have of yourself, take a moment to pause and reassess.
Finally, accept yourself. You are not perfect. No one is and perfection is not the end goal – living fully Is!
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
Buddha
May you offer yourself the gift of loving kindness and self-love throughout your day, your week and your month
Take care of You
Amy,
Cancer Care Counsellor
Goals are capable of being stifling; intentions have the power to set us free to be our best selves. A new year is a great opportunity to reflect on your growth of the previous year. It’s a good time to review what you’ve learned and how you’ve grown through the inevitable challenges life presents. Growth can be painful—but it brings with it proof of our resilience.
The beginning of this New Year is a time for us to truly explore the events of the past year, our lessons and, ultimately, our…
A Note from Amy
Christmas is coming! Are you excited? Counting down the days? Or are you just a teensy, tiny bit overwhelmed and stressed?
It’s the “most wonderful time of the year,” right? For many of us, it can also feel like the most overwhelming time of the year. Especially as we ride out the second year of the pandemic and unknowns which are still present in our world due to COVID.
There is much to do—gifts to buy, presents to wrap, food to cook, a tree to decorate. There are events…
A Note from Amy
How to Cope with the Impact of Cancer on Your Mental Health
There are those rare, pivotal moments in life that never leave you, even after other memories from the same period have faded. One of these moments is if you are diagnosed with Cancer
Your world may crumble. You may not really hear any of it. The word “cancer” was the only thing your brain will digest
The impact of cancer on your mental can be a very negative one at first. Even if your doctor and treatment team…
A Note from Amy
Cultivating Joy and Savouring the Good
Despite the divisive times we find ourselves in, I believe there is one thing nearly all of us can agree on. Our nervous systems are getting more than their fair share of wear and tear these days.
With an apparent oversupply of unpleasantness, these times are an easy set-up for negative emotional feedback loops that lead to escalating levels of anxiety and stress. It is a natural human tendency to avoid or resist the…
A Note from Amy
Coping with Loss
As we welcome November along with the colder rainy days, longer nights and the advent into darkness, this is often a time and period of loss and letting go for many of us as we begin to move to inward reflection and allowing more introspection into our daily lives.
How do we each cope with grief and loss in our own lives?
What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is…
A Note from Amy
The Many Blessings of Gratitude
There is much written and researched on the value of being grateful, and no time brings this more to light than Thanksgiving.
As we welcome the beginning of October, and the Libran New Moon we are invited to honour our own resilience, courage and growth and to reap the harvest of what we have sowed.
For each of us this will be different. In what way(s) does gratitude and thankfulness show up for you in your life? How do you honour the…
As a counsellor, I am often asked by my clients in my one-on-one sessions, “Does meditation help with stress?” Followed by, “my mind is so busy all the time I cannot possibility learn to meditate”.
Meditation is a vital practice of mine which has served and sustained me for many years. I would like to offer you some helpful guidance and tools if you are considering meditation as a daily self care and grounding practice in your own life.
Meditation has the ability to wipe away the day's…
As we approach the ending of summer and beginning of autumn and the fall equinox...
Transitions. Every single one of us is going through them right now. Sometimes we choose them, sometimes they are chosen for us. As human beings, we tend to fear change, and most times resisting it. We try to hold on to ideas, youth, possessions, etc. as if they were never in a state of decay since their inception.
I however like Nikki Giovanni’s perspective of transitioning. “A lot of people resist…
“It took me a long time to identify what I was feeling as grief, particularly because I was having to work out on my own what was going on with me emotionally. It would have helped so much if someone or something external to me had validated how I was feeling and said, “Well, of course you will feel strong grief for what you have lost, and of course you can’t be who you were. How could you be after all you have gone through?” Cordelia Galgut, PhD, Cancer Survivor
Cancer changes everything:…
What to Expect After Facing Cancer
After facing cancer, many survivors say they have a new appreciation for life and the people around them. But life after treatment does not always return to "normal." Cancer and cancer treatments can have long-lasting effects.
"After my treatment finished, I didn't know what to expect. Physically, I felt like a wet rag. Emotionally, I was scared and truly lost." - Breast Cancer Survivor
Not everyone "finishes" cancer treatment. While some have treatment and…
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